On names

For the past few months I've been meeting with my cousin for coffee. It used to be on fridays after work, but lately it has been early saturday mornings. I like the new time, it feels like my brain is fresh and ready for conversation. This is a very odd dynamic. My dad has four brothers, of which he is the youngest. I am the youngest son of the youngest of the four. My cousin is the oldest son of the oldest of the four. He's closer to my dad's age than he is to mine. Odd dynamic.

Today we talked about name changes. it's something that I have been thinking about. For whatever reason, I think a name change can be a powerful thing. Why shouldn't the thing we call ourselves be our own? Legal aspects not withstanding, it is a difficult decision.

It has been on my mind primarily as a means of distancing. Establishing filial boundaries. The more I learn about my family's decorum, the less I seem to want to be involved. I've seen the group I consider my family shrink. The past year has been really about defining what aspects of my life I want to maintain. And, as you'd expect, the aspects of my life I want to be rid of. I think that's basically where the family name change comes from. The idea certainly has its merits in my mind, however I don't know what I'd change it to. There isn't really anything that I think so strongly about. I was thinking of just leaving it null, but I don't know if I'm allowed to do that? But I again think that your name should be what you want and what you're comfortable with. What a nuisance that you have to deal with legacy baggage around it.

It makes me wonder whether folks who change their name actually go through the legal matters. I've looked into it for my state, and it honestly seems like alot. I get it, it's the one legal identifier that basically exists everywhere. But petitions, fees, forms etc, just seem so convoluted.

I think I understand if younger generations want to change their names. Especially so, if you are of a minority demographic. It's hard enough being different in a mostly homogenous school without your name also standing out. There's issues with pronunciations and just general teenage chicanery. Yes, there's the argument that when you're older you'll appreciate the nuance and history behind your name. But what aboutt he difficulties while in school. I went to a pretty diverse school system - in that I wasn't the only brown person. Even so, my name is a point of humiliation for me. So much so, that I already had gone by a different name in public for a few years. Before I realized that if people can learn to say Barak Obama, they can damn well learn how to say my name. I realize now that normalizing different names is important, but should these be the triublations that chidlren go through? If a younger version of myself were to ask me for approval for changing his name, I'd say go right ahead. Because despite the historical / legacy attachments to my name, being comfortable and happy with what we're called is more important. I don't think it's right to be so concerned and worried about what the dead or unborn think about your actions that you suffer in the present.

Your family will likely not be happy with the prospect of changing a name. They may think that it is an act that reflects on them, or that it is something you're doing to them. But really, it's for the individual - it's for you. Is there a more substantial reason?