On growth

"On Writing well" by William Zinsser has been motivational. It makes me appreciate the craft of writing. Seeing the changes that authors make as their edit their draft into a polished piece is awe-inspiring. It also makes writing proper pieces feel like something within my reach.

This is a story I've met more than once. The craftsman doesn't just produce a finished piece in a single attempt. I'm learning that many things in life take the time they must. You cannot produce a finished painting without the sketching and planning that goes underneath. You cannot complete a marathon if you do not first run.

Yet, I cannot shake the intimidation of this fantastic person who is a master at everything and produces refined pieces without trying. Perhaps it is easier to justify not continuing with something if I compare myself to those standards. Because, of course, no one can live to that standard.

So why bother perservering? And for most of my life, I didn't.

I hopped from one interest to another. Changing directions at the first sound of difficulty. You end up with a small sense of understanding of the topic. Enough to know that you know more than a layperson, but not enough to know the vast expanse that you're ignorant to. Just skimming the surface. Not satiating, but enough to distract you from your otherwise empty life. Diet-hobbies.

I am reluctant to admit it, but I do this with art as well. Although I have been drawing with the intent to improve since my early 20's, I've only barely scratched the surface. Perhaps because I've stuck with this for so long, there's been minute improvements. But even with art, I will hit a wall and immediately stop for a week or more. I'll hop onto an easier hobby or pick up an entirely new one. And I stay away from drawing for as long as it takes for me to forget that wall.

Sometimes I continue drawing. But I draw things that don't challenge me. Effectively just walking around the wall and never facing it.

Because that's so much easier.

But it is also shallow. The enjoyment is short lived and doesn't feel soulful. This year, it's become clear that these were distractions. Easy convenient distractions.

I've been more willing to engage in activities that just take the time they take. Running feels awful if I'm comparing myself to any other runner, but feels good when I run in my fitness range. Growth happens on its own pace. It's been 6 weeks since I started running and I'm better at it. Maybe one day I'll be able to run a 10k without stopping to walk. But I'd never get there if I assumed the fantasy of the expert runner (you either can run, or you never will be able to).

In a way, learning to run and putting in those hours is like the sketching/learning process. A critical aspect of art making, that I skipped a lot of the time.

I've begun thinking about my career aspirations in a similar light. Though intimidating, it's not something that happens out of thin air. There are small, tiny, steps that need to be taken. It's all incremental.

Related video link : Advice for Perfectionists & Procrastinators: The 70% Rule