Reading

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“Let the Life I’ve Lived Speak for Me”. I'm Afraid What It Would Say Right Now.

It occurred to me to get a nail gun and Westminster Chiming Clock on eBay, and I ordered both. And they’ll arrive at my door!

Facebook was showing clips of the Harry Potter movies, and I have an urge to watch them again.

It looks more like rain than snow out, or at least the snow is melting when it hits the ground.

Got up at 7:30 AM. There was a very light dusting of snow. Lay down again for 15 minutes. It was nice to snuggle under the blanket. The dogs came in on the first try.

Huh. I expected the stock market to go down due to the war in Iran, but my stocks look pretty good, except for financial services stocks.

I asked my boss if it was okay to skip the annual conference for the software that we manage (it's in LA this year), and she was cool with it. Excellent. I need to get more organized before going to another one.

I ordered a hook-and-eye fastener for the upstairs door because Oliver knows how to open it when it's closed. It comes in a two-pack, which is what I need so that I can hook it from the inside or outside. Free delivery from Home Depot.

Lily is being a dickens today. She walked on my computer twice and shut it down once, and jumped on my lap and dug her claws in. Sheesh.

Finished a project at work.

Choir went well. It was our piano player’s birthday so we had pound cake and berries. We’re singing another song that I might like for my memorial service, “Let the Life I’ve Lived Speak for Me”. Maybe the choir could sing it if it’s still around.

Submitted a Walmart order for way late because tomorrow is going to be a zoo. I have meetings most of the day up to my mammogram mid-afternoon. The order took a long time because this has been a glitch-ridden day.

I'm staying up late to wash clothes for tomorrow because I'll need to go to my mammogram.

Oliver and Lily are being manic.

Oops, forgot to mention that I got my vegetable seeds. Now I just need the planters.

Entry tags:

video review

Films This Week

Films This Week

Honey Don't

Entry tags:

opinionating

A Few Notes on War with Iran

Aside from what I see in the papers, here's a few notes on what I see in Iran.

The US knows where people are and can get to them. This indicates a very interesting weapon. We can figure out and know where people are. That's important if you want to conduct diplomacy by assassination.

In essence, "Negotiate or Die" is the lesson for other countries. I find this both distasteful and terrifying.

As for changing the regime in Iran, that's a whole different level of complexity. Air wars don't win ground wars. As long as state power can survive the bombings, the state will rebound. Without boots on the ground, we cannot implement changed. Even with boots on the ground, we cannot guarantee change.

Calling on people to rise up, who have no weapons and no coordination, is not an effective strategy. To make this effective, you need to get everyone ready, and that takes coordination and logistics, and more importantly, weapons. Otherwise, what you have is magical thinking.

Meanwhile, Iran seems to be attacking where the US isn't defending well. They're sending missiles to many places. This is a reasonable strategy. It may not seem like much to you, but most tankers don't have missile defense systems, so this shuts down the Red Sea. There's a pain point. For oil producers, it shuts down a competitor, so more profit for them.

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Grounded in the Now

Gracie got me up at 7:30 AM. I guess that I should be grateful for the extra 30 minutes.

Lily is so pretty and delicate. I love looking at her. Appearances can be deceiving though; she’ll smack Oliver, who usually deserves it.

Gracie doesn’t want to come in. At least, I got Bella in.

Booked a hair appointment. Ordered another stock.

I'm feeling like staying home today, but I have stuff on Facebook Marketplace to buy. I'll see how I feel after my nap and shower. The clock is a long drive away, but the nail gun is local.

Got Gracie in with the aid of a munchie bone. Now she’s eating Bella’s food. That’s okay; it’s the same food.

Napped. Oliver Snugglebug is snuggling. Had lunch. I think that I want another nap.

Gracie likes to nuzzle my ear for reasons known only to her.

Napped. I’m in the kitchen trying to wake up. Then a shower. I’ve decided that I’m going to stay in and work on the bathroom.

Showered. I’m wearing a pants and sweatshirt set that I bought a while ago. It’s like sweats but a thinner and nicer fabric.

Lily is parading around in my face, purring. (The cat food dishes are soaking.) My pets keep me grounded in the now.

Reading news on Iran. Sigh. On a happier note, the BBC had an article about Madeira, to which I’d like to go.

Hmm. Snow tonight.

You know that you’re getting old when you don’t recognize half the actors’ names in the Actors Awards.

Did a little work on the bathroom. Found a gazillon socks. But I want to get to bed early.

Entry tags:

sewing

Weekend sewing

In late October, I ordered the fabric I needed to make a sweatshirt knit dress, one plain and another with a print. The one with print was a print-on-demand item, so I was prepared to wait for it, but the wait was a little longer than I'd imagined. It arrived about two or three weeks ago, so I was finally all set to sew. So yesterday I made good progress and only had one somewhat complicated part with the collar to do today, and then it was just easy stuff with sleeves and the hem. I would have finished easily, but ran out of thread with only a little bit to do on the hem, and I didn't really have time to go out and buy more today. So finishing will have to wait for another day, but at least it's not much more left, and I might get some wear out of it before it starts to feel like a winter garment.

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Daily Life Meanders On

Lily's affection is a little self-serving. She is very lovey-dovey when she wants food. Oliver, on the other hand, likes snuggles.

Woke up at 9:30 AM.

I bought a Black and Decker drill on Amazon plus screwdriver bits. I also signed up for an Udemy course on using a drill. Might as well learn to use it right!

The dogs don’t want to come in. Sigh. I really want to take a nap.

I’ve decided that I want “Time to Say Goodbye” played at my memorial service. (I’ve been planning it and will put instructions in my NokBox.) That song has been haunting me since the Olympics. And it has Italian in it!

Finally got the dogs in and fed us all. Nap time. Gracie: Bark bark bark bark. (Cat cat cat cat!) Me: Gracie, yes I know. Shut up!

Bella likes the larger Milkbones. I was leaving the box open for her to get them at will, but she’s eating too many of them. I need to stash them away. Somewhere. It’s a big box.

Hmm. I’m looking at Grand Prairie Friends for volunteering. But I need to wait and see if I hear back from the Humane Society and Park District before applying for something else.

Ate lunch. AccuWeather says that rain will start in two minutes. I want another nap. Overslept my nap.

I’m in shock over the strikes on Iran. We’ve messed with Iran before, and that didn’t go well, so let’s do it again! Plus, what happened with consulting with Congress? We already know that Trump thinks that he can do whatever whenever, but this is the most serious thing yet. (I had to dig for my outrage though because I mostly feel numb. My mom would be screaming though.)

Fed us all. Daily life meanders on. I want to go to bed early.

Entry tags:

life

Alexithymia

Alexithymia is a word for not knowing what your emotions are; difficulty in identifying them. Yes, there's a word for that.

Out of curiosity, I took an simple assessment and found myself about average, so nothing of note. I also didn't quite understand the questions, which meant that I guessed at the answers.

Quite a few times in my life, I realized that certain feelings were emotions, and connecting those things together. It's certainly something that I've gone through. Yet, I also don't think that I can't identify things. Yet, I also feel like my range of emotion juggling is not as wide as other people's.

What's hardest to understand is "Externally Oriented Thinking." I'm trying to grasp the concept behind that, but only getting so far. I may, in fact, do that, but I can't tell so easily.

None of this is certain. It's a rabbit hole for the moment.

When trying to make sense of something, I drop over to Reddit and read the threads of people who do associate with that and discover what, if anything, resonates. I'll poke at this for a few days or weeks and see if there's anything surprising.

So far, this doesn't seem like me. The on-the-ground experiences don't quite match mine. I think that I'm truly at the average level, just muddling through like everyone else.

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Don't Wanna. But It's Fun.

I also applied to volunteer for the Urbana Park District.

My Apple Watch found my iPhone. That was useful.

Overslept until 8 AM. Hustled my butt into the shower because I want to go to the bank at lunchtime. Oliver and Lily attended my shower.

I bought some Birdie and Louie cat food for Zara. I hope that she likes it. She's been picking at her food.

It looks like the police was doing a welfare check on my elderly neighbor. I hope that he's okay.

Got the dogs in. I just need to feed the cats at lunchtime, and then I can run to the bank (done). I also got two rolls of quarters in case I need to go to the laundromat, although I really want to get the washer fixed this weekend.

Received the gate for Zara's room.

I found an end table on Amazon that’s cheap and I like better than the Facebook Marketplace one. I just need to check the chair to see if I should get brown or black. Actually I bought the brown one to match the bookcases.

Well hmmm. I found a lamp and a washable rug on Amazon, so I won’t need to buy the ones on Facebook Marketplace. I just need to buy the clock. Oh, and the nail gun.

Holy cow. I’ve made over $8000 on stocks, and I haven’t been investing that long.

Oy. Someone (Bella, I’m looking at you) stole and ate my apple fritter. I was scolding her about that when she stole a hot pad that I put under my food. Sneaky, cheeky dog.

My singing lesson went well. My teacher is a great combination of exacting and fun. It’s funny that I get a case of the “don’t wannas” before my singing lesson and choir, but I really enjoy the singing once I start. Well, I get a case of the “don’t wannas” about almost everything besides eating and sleeping.

I need a drill and am trying to decide whether to get a used one or not.

I previously bought a dry-erase board for the refrigerator, but I kept on knocking it down and its frame came off. I ordered a thin dry-erase surface, and that looks like it’ll work better. And I also ordered a thin dry-erase calendar for the fridge. I’ll use it to track the time that I’m spending on the house.

Fed us all. I'm trying to decide whether to research more stocks or just go to bed.

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Banner Day at Work

I applied to volunteer for Special Events for the Humane Society (fits better with my schedule, and I'm less likely to wind up with another pet) and an organization that provides books to prisoners, which is right up my alley. The books for prisoners people emailed me back right away.

Overslept until 7:45 AM. Today is a pajama day for me.

At work, the conversion to the new ticketing system seems to be going well.

The dogs wouldn’t come in until 11:15 AM.

I way overslept my nap at lunchtime.

The cats like the bed that I bought for the top of my desk upstairs. And I haven't even plugged it in yet! I need to rearrange stuff.

I need to log back on tonight to make up my nap time.

The lamp that I liked is pending sale, but I found another one that's similar. I need to figure out how much cash to get so that I can buy furniture this weekend. $185. I’ll need to break some bills. Oh, plus $15 for end table?

I got my new ergonomic keyboard. I need to set it up.

I screwed up and forgot to soak the cat dishes. Did so and fed Lily. Submitted a grocery list for tomorrow. Fed the rest of us.

Note to self: Scan music (done) and do French homework tonight. It turns out that I don't have French tomorrow, so while I started the homework, I'll finish it on the weekend.

Entry tags:

life

Mostly Clear of Snow

In good news, the bike paths were mostly clear of snow in the morning. The bridges were still icy, as were a few other places. However, on the ride home, the bridges were now clear, and there were now distinct paths through the remaining icy areas.

Yeah. It was nice to pedal there and back again.

In bad news, there EVEN MORE SNOW on the horizon. Eff a truck.

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Grant Writing Classes

Ooh, I saw a floor lamp on Marketplace that I like for the library room. And a washable rug. Maybe I’ll go get them this weekend. And a Westminster chime clock (I had thought about a grandfather clock, but that would be a hassle to get here) and a basket for my meditation cushions. And a nail gun. I just bought safety glasses to use with the nail gun.

For some reason, my alarm didn’t go off, and I slept until 8:30 AM.

The dogs don't want to come in. I told them that I have a meeting and they'll be out a long time, but they don't care. They finally came in at lunchtime. Oddly, Gracie was more cooperative, and I had to get Bella by the collar to come in.

I'm looking at grant writing classes. A certificate at Parkland Community College is $2500, which is a lot, but I'll investigate payment plans.

Hmm. I should get a money belt for my trip in the fall because we will be traveling on trains a lot.

We had a mini-crisis at work because the library system that our libraries use went down. We had to scramble to respond. We're moving to a new ticketing system tomorrow, so I guess that was the last hurrah on the old system.

Piano class went well. Oliver and Zara settled down for a snooze while I played.

I’ve been busy canceling subscriptions bit by bit.

I really want to work on the library/music room (“Zara’s room “). I think that I’ll use it as a carrot to get stuff done on the rest of the place; if I spend X amount of time on the rest of the place, I can spend X time on the library room. I’m getting excited about it. Plus, getting that room together will move book boxes out of the rest of the place.

I found a cheaper version of the grant-writing courses. That will work.

There’s a “slippery road” alert due to snow melting and refreezing. Terrific.

Crud. The BBC has gone subscription-only. Do I want to subscribe?

Got the recycling out. Fed us all.

Enrolled in the grant writing classes for $450 instead. Still pricey but much better.

Need to wrap things up and go to bed.

Current Mood: contemplative

Entry tags:

memes

February Top 10, challenge #4

A challenge by Dreamersdare.

Challenge 4:

Make a Top Ten list for your favourite relationships in media and tell everyone what you love about them. This covers all kinds of relationships - romantic, sexual, platonic, professional, rivals, acrimonious, family, found family, something else not mentioned here. So, bring out your friends, lovers or enemies, whether canon or fanon. If it involves two or more people interacting in some way, it counts, so go wild!

Here is a link with more details, and to post the link to your answers.

I went with relationships between video game characters. Not romantic, but friends, coworkers, family, reluctant allies, chaotic duos. Not necessarily the best of the best (who has time for analysing and sorting all the games you ever played?), but each of these dynamics stuck in my head and it warms my heart in some way. The games are loosely sorted by most recently played.

1. Pokémon GO: Arlo and Candela
Okay, I lied. I totally perceive this as romantic, even though canon only mentions they went from friends and colleagues to enemies, and it's probably one-sided. But Arlo definitely cannot get Candela out of his head. There is tension, the unresolved rivalry, the bittersweet memories. I even wrote a poem about it for my Pokémon GO bingo challenge, based on Arlo's message to Candela.

2. Nine Noir Lives: PI Cuddles and his assistant Tabby
They routinely insult, mock, and prank each other. But when things get dangerous, they don't hesitate for a moment, but jump straight into trouble to save one another. Beneath all the snark, there's unwavering loyalty. I'm always into "we bicker constantly but I would die for you" dynamic.

3. OneShot: Niko and the Player
This one goes beyond characters. It's between the protagonist and YOU, the player. The game is heavily meta and breaks the fourth wall in a way that makes the connection feel intimate and personal. You're not just guiding Niko, but are responsible for her, and she's aware of you, relies on you and believes in you.

4. Randal’s Monday: Randal and Matt
Randal is rude, obnoxious, and openly kleptomaniac (like most adventure game protagonists, except he doesn’t even hide it ;) But behind the sarcasm and selfishness, he genuinely cares about his only friend. Watching him struggle through increasingly absurd and difficult challenges just to fix his mess and save Matt reveals the feelings of true friendship.

5. Rusty Lake: The Past Within: Albert and Rose
Albert is not a good person by any stretch. That's what makes this relationship so striking. His daughter Rose dedicates herself to bringing him back to life through elaborate and deeply unsettling rituals. And he trusts her with this impossibly sensitive task. It's disturbing and emotionally complicated.

6. Chicken Police: PIs Sonny and Marty
Two cynical former friends and partners with unresolved history. There's tension, sarcasm, and old resentment simmering under the surface. But when the case gets dangerous, they reconnect, and once again they're working in sync. The bickering never stops, yet the trust is still there.

7. Lair of the Clockwork God: Ben and Dan
A friendship built into the game mechanics. Ben is a point&click adventure character, while Dan is an action platformer character. They literally operate under different genres, yet they have to cooperate constantly to progress. I'd never believe it could work, but it works brilliantly. Watching them cooperate and compensate for each other's weaknesses feels both clever and wholesome.

8. LIMBO: The unnamed Boy and his sister
We don't actually see their relationship, but it's implied through purpose. The boy silently endures a terrifying, hostile world and countless gruesome deaths to reach his sister. He is incredibly determined, and his almost mystical journey is a message of love and devotion.

9. Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons: the two brothers
They are inseparable. The player controls both of them, and they physically cannot stray far apart. Their bond is embedded in the game controls. Without spoilers, the ending is one of the most emotionally powerful and brilliant uses of game design I've ever experienced.

10. Portal: Chell and GLaDOS
They begin as enemies. GLaDOS taunts, manipulates, and repeatedly tries to kill Chell. (Not for personal reasons, but following her programming.) But over time, their dynamic evolves. There’s sarcasm, grudging respect, shared survival, and eventually, not exactly friendship but partnership and trust.

Entry tags:

books,
reading

Wednesday reading

Finished since the last reading post
Actually finished A Grave Concern.

Currently reading
Still reading Young Alexander. Started A God in Ruins by Kate Atkinson at the weekend and am about halfway through. I keep expecting it to surprise me at some point and so far it hasn't done that.

Started reading On Thin Ice by Denver Shaw, a romance novel.

Reading next
I've got a library book waiting.

Entry tags:

life

Pedaling Update

The paths have been icy for a long time, and they were just about clear when it snowed again. Yesterday, I was a tad unsure. When it comes to black ice, riding can go bad fast.

Today, it's above freezing, and has been so all night, so I'll be pedaling for the metro.

I am so tired of the bus. I am so tired of waiting for the bus.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of getting myself a new bike this year. My current idea is to get a Cannondale Quick 6, or maybe a Quick 5. I'd prefer a steel bike, but those cost enough that I'm not 100% convinced. Still, holding out for what I want could be cheaper. Even better, finding something that I want to modify would also be good.

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Stars on Ice?

Hmm. Should I get a ticket for Stars on Ice in Chicago? It's on a Friday though, so I'd have to leave work early or take the day off. I'd enjoy it though. I'd also have to overnight in Chicago.

Overslept and got up at 7:30 AM. I’m feeling sad. I don’t know why.

At work now, explaining to Gracie that the cats don't want to play with her. She can't seem to grasp that.

I had a brief telehealth session with the sleep doctor, but because I haven't had my sleep study yet, there wasn't much to discuss. The telehealth session worked well though. I'll have to keep it in mind.

Gracie is flaked out cold in the guest room. I want to join her. It's gray and gloomy. Overslept my nap (in the bedroom).

My boss okayed my participating in a program sponsored by the university that teaches you about how to be a better volunteer in the community, the role of non-profits, fundraising, etc. I've been thinking about what I'll do when I retire, and this will help! I also am thinking about volunteering at a cat shelter.

Bella is whining because I'm not downstairs yet. I told her "two minutes".

I ordered the pet gate for Zara’s room with the coupon.

I checked into how to replace my Global Entry card. I want it for my trip this fall. Ordered.

Gracie is being difficult and not coming in. She almost did but changed her mind. Everyone’s now inside and fed except for me. I’m nuking food.

I got the prairie seeds.

Hmm. I read an article about heated drying racks, and wonder if I should get one. It might be a big help and save money. I need to get the large bathroom cleared out though. Ordered.

Time to post and crash.

Entry tags:

video review

Honey Don't (2025)

"Honey Don't" restored my faith in cinema. Who would make a lesbian film noir, needlessly tawdry, overdosing on absurdism? This film.

I love me some good bad cinema. Chef's kiss. 10/10 on the bonkers scale. This is one of those films that you can describe, yet utterly fail to express.

The whole thing takes place in Bakersfield, CA, in the San Fernando valley. Given the state of the town, this film argues for getting the Urban Hellscape label.

Our detective does lots of detecting, but somebody always winds up dead before the end of the case. The body count is up there, with everyone dying gruesomely. Otherwise, her lesbian radar is super-keen, and she's onto the next girl. Otherwise, she's highly stylized, giving retro-masculine vibes of previous eras.

The whole thing is set amid Bakersfield culture, presumably giving us all sorts of local cultural memes. As far as I can tell, much of it's filmed on location. The protagonist's sister keeps having kids, her kids are out of control, nobody wants to ride the bus, and everything is run down. You can feel the underlying poverty, that sense of going nowhere fast. There's nothing in Bakersfield except for the people who are living there.

This film isn't for everyone, and I think that it's downright divisive, on purpose. They accept that some people will get offended, or put off, or repulsed. This film is who it's for, and it's not for anyone else. Fair enough.

Entry tags:

Choir Night

I'm so freaking tired. The cats are being manic.

Bella and Gracie were chewing on my hand brace. Dogs :)

I woke up around 6:30 AM, but I didn’t want to get up before my alarm. So I overslept it by a half hour. At least I can run a little later because I’m going to Physical Therapy at 9:50.

I rescheduled my PT appointment. I forgot to turn on the dryer and Gracie is refusing to come in and this morning is a mess. Well, Gracie came in. That’s a start. I'm learning that "self-care" often involves not scrambling. I went to get Oliver to feed him, but he gave me a sleepy look, so I guess not. He really likes it in Zara's room.

Hmm, I think that I want to wear my hand brace to work. I tend to curl that hand up when I'm not typing.

I can't stop yawning. And today is my long day because of choir rehearsal.

Gracie is going nuts over something out the window. She has no idea that she's a smaller dog. She thinks that she's tough.

Lily is giving my hand brace the onceover. Oliver decided that it was time to eat. He was a "lover boy" over lunch and attended my shower. He thinks that it's curious that I stick myself under water though.

My prairie seeds are on their way. Cool. I'm wondering if I should get some woodland seeds for the side of the garage, but I think that I'm getting too ambitious. Plus, I need to clean out that area and mulch it. Plus, I'll need to plant the lilac and crabapple and set up the vegetable planters. I'm looking for cheap dirt for the planters.

Ack about the temperature tonight, but at least I have a car with a heater. Sometimes it's the little things.

I tried to get a bit of fuzz off of Lily's fur, but she got annoyed and left. I just told Oliver that I don't want feline-managed acupuncture.

Huh. It was a bad day for the stock market but my stocks are up, except for Eli Lilly, which I'm considering dumping for Novartis.

Lily cautiously started to go into Zara's room, but she turned around as I went to leave. I want to get that gate (a gate to keep the dogs out with a cat door) soon.

The window in the guest room has a million dog nose prints in it. I just bought some great glass cleaner, so I should use it!

Ran around like crazy getting ready to leave for choir: letting the dogs out, feeding everyone, putting my makeup on, and grabbing my music. I managed to get there way early, which is what I had planned to have time to organize my music. It’s all together now. I was clearly missed while I was gone by the critters. Oliver is curled up on my lap. The little thief Bella stole a sock and grudgingly brought it to me. I explained that I need socks. She is not convinced.

My dad said that it sounds like I’m doing something right with my stocks and to “keep it up”. My big problem is finding time for research.

I’m kind of attracted to a young black cat who’s been in foster care for two years. Apparently, he doesn’t go up to new people, but that’s okay. But I’m a little worried about shaking up the status quo.

Sold some stocks and bought some stocks. I have time to do that only at night and weekends.

I should go to sleep soon so that I don't oversleep.

Entry tags:

video review

Week in Film

This week in Film

Dune (1984)

Stand By Me

Forrest Gump

1917

Depeche Mode: M

Entry tags:

opinionating

The Difference Between Humans and AI

Here's how I currently tell the difference between Humans and AI:

- Human get to the point
- AI tells a story

There's some other differences, but this is the biggest. AI blathers on and on, often quite well and quite readably, but not succinctly. In short, AI does not respect my time.

Entry tags:

life

Bustier Bust

We've hit the low end of this winter's storm. The news says 3 inches, but I'm dubious. Other places got far more, but not here.

It's a nice bust, though, even if modest. The snow's nice to look at while being quite approachable, giving everything that round and soft quality.

As snows go, I could look at it forever.