On themes

I came across CGP Grey's Video on Theme recently. What an interesting idea. I confess my addiction on resolutions. They seem to be neverending. Outside of the rare successes, I find myself revisiting the same resolutions. Lose weight, read 50 books, write something, draw more and their ilk.

Two things resonated. The first: when I look back at my resolutions, they were sweeping grand narratives. I would lose 50 lbs, improve my physique to herculean proportions, and find the holy grail. Not quite that, but it may as well have been. Somewhere in my mind there was a disconnect. Like my previous post on knowing being only 1/2 the battle, a part of me thought that making the resolution was the hard part. And once you made the resolution poof you're cured/beefed/smarter/prolific/n-lingual. How unfortunate for us all that change only comes from action.

Themes tackle this for me. It lets me be very granular about it. Even 1 minute of meditation before bed is on theme of being healthier. It should not work. Yet, switching my mind from goals to themes quieted the judgemental voice. I can feel happy with decisions inline with my theme. Yes, even the small ones.

The other benefit of themes lay in not needing to choose. CGP Grey speaks a lot about the 'fog of the future'. Perhaps it is because I have split the thinking me and the doing me for so long, or out of a neurotic need for even the goals to be "perfect", setting goals paralyze me. What if I am wrong? What if a year, two, or a decade later I regret this goal? What if I should be spending time doing xyz instead? What if my goals don't fit the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, Timed), HARD (Heartfelt, Animated, Required, Difficult), or WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan) methodologies? The paralyzing questions are endless. A thematic approach greatly reduces the friction for all of these (or none of these). Because, as the video states, the theme functions like a little robot that guides me into branching actions that are inline. Furthermore, setting goals on theme using these methodologies become much simpler. Because unlike before, I have a compass directing me. Is this inline with my theme? If not, I can change course with little guilt.

The other aspect is that a year is just too broad- too long! My brain wants to spend the first 90% preparing and the other 10% frustrated it hasn't already happened yet. Or I just will procrastinate, because "the year is still young" until it is not. Then the tune changes to "wow we're already in x-month?? Too late now, I guess I failed this year…yadda yadda". But really this fits right along with the intellectualizing everything part, because I will just never leave the "preparation" phase. Each year, I step into a new circle of a provisional life. A low humming current letting me know that no amount of prep-work will directly translate to having done the change/act. Because I do know. It is just easy to put aside when the scale is a year. Or a -lifetime-. Because I will get to it eventually. Right?

Well, as it turns out, no. This was a blow to me. But it is not really a -new- realization. When I read Tiny Habits and Atomic Habits, I already knew the issues. But I'm still dumbfounded by how granular I can make things. It made me aware of some of the judgemental voices in me. Who cares how long it takes to do something? Who cares if the "original intent" in starting a habit was? No one is keeping score. No one cares why I started therapy. It does not really matter, because…the end result was that I was in therapy and willing to work with the counselor. I believed that people cared enough to keep tabs and chastise me about it. And would you believe it, only one person did that. Me.

And so I go back to why a year? The judgemental me would tell you that anything that could happen in a shorter period of time is not worth doing. Or that even a year is not enough. You should do a PHD, run for local office, join a priesthood, become a monk. Grand goals require a lot of time to do. And the neurotic in me prided these lofty grand goals- even if I never accomplished any of them. This, of course, makes sense if you think setting the goals = achieving them. Time and again, I need to remind myself that the setting of the goals are not the aspect that matter, the doing of the act is. But a goal for a year or longer was what everyone else was doing. And so, I never questioned it.

The idea of doing it by seasons is genius. It is short enough that if I waste too much time preparing, I won't get anywhere. There is a sense of urgency. As CGP Grey says "A season is a nice human length of time". There is a natural clock around you that reminds you that time is indeed passing.

As you start to walk on the way, the way appears. - Rumi