anecdata | On the new year

2023 . Another complete solar rotation. Is this unusual? The sheer arbitrariness of it is so human. Every day marks another rotation. We celebrate different occurrances for the same reasons too. Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays all serve the same purpose. But this day, this day, is significant. Why? Because we all say it is.

I want to decouple myself from the expectations of resolutions. Even those done with the best intents, seem fleeting. Folks may call it goals, habits, or by another synonym that is vogue but the idea remains. The idea that there is some dramatic narrative change to be made.

Over the last year I have noticed the importance of small changes. Small changes are sustainable. I am convinced that when people make these resolutions, they do it for one of two reasons. 1. They want to improve their life 2. They feel obligated to do so I recognize my being in the latter camp several years during my teen years. It was pointless and running with the crowd. I wish I knew then and had the courage to just not do anything. But it does require courage. As with anything that goes counter culture, there is pushback. When someone goes against something you believe to be so very normative they act as a mirror. This type of value questioning, albeit unintentional, can be distressing. This is my pet theory on why folks lash out in these tiny value confrontations. Announcing you have no resolutions this year may summon variants of "like you're so perfect". And yet, I hold that it is our duty to do so. Not only does it mean we are being genuine to ourselves, we also normalize it for others' futures. (not that you're obligated to)

Now, those of us in the first camp. We want these changes to be long term. But by the very association of these resolutions to new years, it brings about a grandiose image. There comes an unspoken expectation of flash. Of drama. This absurd expectation of a theatrical narrative to your resolution. When it comes to fitness, we naturally gravitate towards some lofty goal - I will run a marathan! (despite not having run in the past 2 years). We dream of a training montage, where the days pass by and we see rapid growth. It worked for Rocky Balboa, right? Why not us? But it is not that simple. We live through every minute outside of that montage as well. We have to go through the changes in the slow lane. And whatever fire you had to start the journey, needs to continue even as smolders of an ember. In fact, that slowly burning ember might be a more sustainable growth. But it is not flash. Falling into this grandiose narrative trap is scary. Because it adds a layer of shame to those changes that could be sustainable and radically alter your life.

A cynical part of me wants to think that the failure is part of the cycle. You set these grandiose resolutions, and expect to fail together. And the next year, you get together and set them again. And again. Do people really want to see you succeed in getting fit/organized/growing professionally/growing personally? Especially, if they've resolved to do so with you year after year? One would hope that they do, but is it not understandable if they are at least a little slighted at your success? Perhaps, they are envious. Perhaps, angry. Perhaps that is why a sustainable change such as "I'm just going to put on my shoes and walk 5 minutes" or "I'm going to floss 1 tooth every day" gets ridiculed. Even though, it is likely that these minute changes will be more sustainable and pave the ways to the annually failed goals.

Are these still resolutions? I guess yes. Perhaps, what I am really against is not the resolutions, or their setting. Instead, it is a rally against the absurdist expectation of a montage-esque narrative change. Slow it down. Make it small. Make it sustainable.

That is probably my focus on 2023. To take the things that I already do and improve on them. Make course corrections by way of small and sustainable changes.

With that, the first sun rises on an otherwise ordinary day. Happy new years.